Grieving with Grace
Many people have been touched by death due to Covid-19 over the past few years, and some will experience physical complications for years to come as a result. It may be directly by losing loved ones, or indirectly by helping to support friends or peers who have had relatives pass away. We are grieving life before Covid, and grieving what life has become since. There have been times in the past, during Wartime, when the world has experienced pain and death like this, but that has not been on a collective scale, like this, for quite some time. We can grieve for how we have been changed by these experiences and wanting to get back to happier, more relaxed versions of ourselves.
What is grief?
The experience of grief and grieving is often overwhelming. It comes on fast and strong, like a wave crashing down on us. It can absolutely drown us at times, and exhaust us as we try to swim back to calm waters. The waves hit, often unexpectedly, and cause our pain to be deeply triggered. You can feel so alone and lost in your grief, even if you have others grieving with you and a support system. It’s different for each person, as our relationship to the person or pet was different too.
You may not realize it, but grief is something we will all experience living in the middle of a global pandemic, even if you are not personally touched by anyone dying. We tend to think of grief as being associated specifically with death, like the death of a parent, cherished pet, or role model. However, grief is related to loss in other forms as well.
Coronavirus hit unexpectedly and we didn’t have time to plan. This caused numerous canceled events and trips, loss of time with loved ones, and increased isolation. These are all experiences that left us feeling lost, overwhelmed, lonely, and afraid. It caused a mountain of grief that we are still moving through, even years later.
What do we grieve, beyond losing a loved one?
Vicarious Trauma occurs as a result of seeing repeated events of trauma impacting someone or many around you. Seeing this trauma beings to traumatize the person themselves. As a result, at this point, we are all living in an activated Trauma State as a result of Coronavirus and other world events. You may be grieving your belief that the world is a safe place, as it does not currently feel very safe.
We can grieve for what was, for what may never be, or what could’ve been. You may have lost your job during this time. You may have had a relationship end as a result of financial tension during the past few months. You may feel sadness over the growing distance between you and a, once close, friend. All of these situations can leave us feeling empty. We don’t tend to associate these experiences with grieving, and as a result we minimize our experience of them. You don’t have to downplay how or what you may be grieving right now.
What does it mean to grieve with grace and how can it help you?
Grieving with Grace means making space for your emotions and not judging yourself for hurting. You are not weak for feeling pain. The depth of your pain is directly equal to the depth of your love. Do you realize that? Your pain is an expression of love. It’s equal to the love you have for that person, pet, job, experience…
You grieve deeply because you love deeply. If you didn’t care, you would feel significantly less pain. So never, ever shame yourself for the depth of pain you may feel in mourning your loss—no matter what that loss may be. Grief Work looks at all our loss through the lens of compassion and making space for our pain. Grieving takes time, and is not a linear, or clear process. When we rush ourselves through grieving, we dishonor our healing. It’s okay for healing to take time. Our healing can be a means of honoring the person we lost and their impact on our life.
If you are grieving, make space for your experience. It’s a heavy emotional roller coaster and it needs a lot of room. Set aside time each day or week to feel your emotions. Do this when you can be home in a quiet and comfortable space. Set a timer for the amount of time you need or think you can handle. Let yourself cry during this time, sob, scream, sit in silence, play an instrument, sing a sad song…do whatever comes up and feels right for you.
When the timer alarm goes off, get up, wash your face and/or hands with cold water and go do something that nourishes or uplifts you. Give yourself a break from the pain after by doing something you enjoy and let yourself be lighter. It can be helpful to journal about this time and what comes up for you. This is another way to externalize the pain you feel.
Why can’t you get past your grief?
I tend to believe it takes half the time you knew the person or pet to grieve the loss of them. So if you knew a friend for 10 years and they died, it might take about 5 years before you have really come to terms and peace with this loss. That’s not to say there won’t still be waves of pain and missing this person. It just means the waves don’t drown you the same way anymore. It means you can speak of them without breaking down most of the time. It means you can focus more on the beautiful times you had together, instead of the deep sadness of not having them physically present in your life anymore.
Honor your grief. Give yourself grace as you find your footing after life falls apart and your foundation crumbles beneath you. Lean on your support system during these challenging times and surround yourself with people who see you and are safe for you to be your whole self with. People who can accept and acknowledge your pain, and won’t make you feel weak or less than, for how you feel. All feelings are messengers, listen to what they have to say.
To learn more about how I can support you through your grief and back to your joy, click here.
Sarah Seraphina is a Spiritual Activator and Liberation Guide. She is the owner of Nurtured Essence, a healing space, aimed at helping women overcome their past patterns and fears, so they may thrive and live with more power, purpose, ease, and joy. She specializes in working with healers, recovering empaths and “Damsels in Distress”, highly-sensitive women, lightworkers, and women with a sacred mission.
