Suicidal Thoughts: What they mean & How you can manage them
Suicidal Thoughts are a sign of feeling alone and in extreme pain for too long.
September is Suicide Prevention Month in the United States. In honor of this, I’ve decided to explore the topic of Suicide in this week’s blog. It is a complicated topic and one that is very emotionally loaded. Many therapists are quite nervous working with clients who are actively suicidal. It’s important to be mindful of their intention, and have Safety plans in place with clients who are actively suicidal and have an idea of how they would act on that intent. It is also important to know that not all people who have suicidal thoughts will act on these thoughts.
What do suicidal thoughts mean and should you worry?
To me, suicidal thoughts are not a sign that a person wants to die, but rather a sign this person has been in pain for far too long. There is a part of our brain that does not want us to experience pain. Its whole job is to prevent us from experiencing pain, and each time we do, it feels it has failed you. This creates more shame. The more we experience pain, the more this part of our brain will alert, and sound an alarm. It is saying “You are in pain. We don’t like this. Do something about it!!” We translate this message, and either Avoid or Numb from the message, or we Panic about it. When we have been in pain for too long, we start to feel there is nothing we can do about it. We start to feel there is no escape from it, and the only way out of the pain is to die. This is when people start to experience suicidal thoughts.
Being suicidal does not mean you are weak. It does not mean there is anything wrong with you.In fact, if anything, Suicidal thoughts may be a sign that you have been trying to be too strong all by yourself for too long. For most people, the thought of suicide does not come up out of the blue. It usually occurs after an Acute Trauma, or after a long period of time being in pain, often without support. It is really normal for suicidal thoughts to occur or increase after a trauma has occurred, or any event that triggers a Trauma Response.
So, when a client tells me they have been feeling suicidal, I don’t panic. I get curious….I want to know what is causing them pain. I want to know the root of their pain. And then together, the Client and I, explore this pain, what it needs, how long it has been there, how we can be a witness to it, and how they can release it. This is a unique process for each person and their self-awareness.
What causes suicidal thoughts?
I believe most people who act on suicide do so for one or more of the following reasons: From what I have seen and experienced people who act on suicide feel shame about who they are as a person. They do not feel they will be, or are accepted by the people around them. They do not feel who they are will ever be accepted, understood, or enough. Another reason I believe people act on suicide is because they are having an experience that feels too overwhelming for them, and they can’t see a way out. This is usually acute and temporary pain, but they can’t see it as such. I see this often with younger people, who are going through a crisis, and don’t have belief in their ability to get through their hardship. When people are drowning in pain, it is hard to see a light and a way out. This brings me to the final reason I see for why people commit suicide, which is not having connection, meaning, and purpose in their lives. When we have meaning and something to live for, even in hardships, we have something to hope for, we have something to look forward to. We have something to work on and for. When we are connected to ourselves and others, we don’t feel as isolated and alone.
What can help when you or a loved one are feeling suicidal?
While all of these are real challenges in our lives, there are always actions to work with each of these. The first is to know there is nothing wrong with who you are at your core. You are unique. There is only one of you and the world needs you to be the best version of yourself. That does not mean you aren’t lovable for exactly who you are today and at this moment. Surround yourself with people who accept and appreciate you. Surround yourself with people you can share yourself with, even the most vulnerable and scary parts of yourself.
It is important to know pain can be stubborn. Sometimes people have created an identity around their pain and they start to feel naked without it when they start to give it up. This is also normal. If you had a chronic pain condition you would start to accept this as part of your daily life and you would work around it. This is what we do with emotional pain as well. However, we don’t have to carry this pain around for eternity, and certainly not alone. Always remember pain is temporary. What pains us today will be a distant memory in 5 years, and there will be new pains that replace our current ones. Pain is a part of life, but suffering doesn’t have to be. Learn to cleanse and release yourself from pain daily.
Lastly, find some meaning in your life. What gets you out of bed each day? What drives and motivates you? Is it a desire to help others? Is it a desire to learn about mountain climbing? Is it a desire to create art and share it with the world? Is it a desire to educate others about how plastic harms whales? Maybe it is creating a healing place for injured horses. Find your calling and purpose in your life. Only you can find it for yourself, and only you will know when you’ve found it. I truly believe we are all here for a reason, and it is to fulfill our individual purpose for our Soul’s greatest growth.
If you have been struggling with feeling suicidal and/or having thoughts of wanting to die, I encourage you to explore if any of this resonates with you. Be curious about your pain and inspect it from a place of non-judgment. Don’t be afraid of your pain, but rather, focus on what it can teach you about who you are or life in general. Share your pain with others, and know that you never, ever, have to be alone in your pain. It does not make you weak to ask for help. In fact, I think it requires quite a lot of strength.
Sarah Seraphina is a Spiritual Activator and Liberation Guide. She is the owner of Nurtured Essence, a healing space, aimed at helping women overcome their past patterns and fears, so they may thrive and live with more power, purpose, ease, and joy. She specializes in working with healers, recovering empaths and “Damsels in Distress”, highly-sensitive women, lightworkers, and women with a sacred mission.
