Working with the Emotion of Anger
Experiencing your own anger or someone else’s can be terrifying, but our anger has a lot to teach us!
Many people are afraid of anger—Either feeling it or being on the receiving end of someone else’s. Anger can be an overwhelming emotion to experience and it is often not comfortable for people. There are many toxic expressions for anger and when a person is overwhelmed it can be a challenging emotion to manage. An explosion of anger can set your whole life on fire and create a lot of chaos. However, anger is a healthy and normal emotion.
How does Anger help us?
Anger shows us where we are not being treated well, respected, or heard. We typically are the angriest when we feel someone has crossed a line or boundary with us. Our anger is showing us we do not deserve to be mistreated or abused, including by ourselves.
Anger is a very motivating emotion for many of us. It is often only when we get angry enough that we will change. We have a significantly longer rope for how much sadness we will tolerate, while our tolerance for anger is much shorter.
What are different ways we experience anger?
How people feel and express anger can also depend on gender norms and conditioning. Anger can be a more tolerated emotion for many men, who grow up being conditioned by society to handle problems through their anger. Men are taught anger is appropriate and even celebrated for their anger at times. When boys act on their anger and fight each other, we hear “Boys will be boys.” When men act out of anger, we tend to see a more physical response.
For women, acting out of anger can cause more shame. In our society women are often conditioned for sadness to be a more appropriate response, and they are shown their anger is often unacceptable. When women act out of anger they tend to yell or scream, but can certainly also get physical.
However, despite some gender differences, both genders can feel anger is an inappropriate emotion and try to suppress it as much as possible. Many people have been on the receiving end of other’s out of control anger, sometimes in violent ways, which creates even more fear of anger.
I personally love working with the emotion of anger, but it wasn’t always that way. I, too, was once afraid of my own anger and how I would express it. This fear caused me to suppress my anger until it would come out in full force, usually aimed within, but always self-destructive. Growing up, many of us don’t have healthy models for feeling and expressing our anger.
Anger is an emotion that is so physical, and as a result, needs a physical outlet. When we find an appropriate physical outlet for anger, we can feel safer being present with this emotion. When you safely express anger, you are healing toxic patterns within you, and are modeling to others new ways to express their anger.
Some of my favorite healthy ways to express anger are:
Write a letter to the person you are angry at or Record a voice memo telling them off. Listen to the voice memo after and notice what comes up for you. Explore these questions: How did it feel to express how you felt? How does it feel to see the words written out or to hear yourself say those things? Do you still feel as angry as when you started this task or do you notice something has shifted? If so, what changed? You can always destroy the letter or delete the voice memo if you choose.
The Primordial scream: Take a hand towel/kitchen towel and fold it over your hand. Now hold your hand over your mouth, covering it completely. With your other hand, gently hold the rest of the towel that is hanging down over your throat. Take a big breath in through your nose (which should not be blocked) and scream out your covered mouth. The towel will muffle the scream so no one can hear you. This is a great way to release anger and let it out.
If you have a dog, go outside and play fetch. Throw the ball with all your anger. Imagine you are throwing the ball at the person or situation who made you angry. Feel the anger leave your arm through the ball each time you throw up. Likewise, you can throw a foam ball at a wall inside if you don’t have a dog to do this with.
Punch a pillow or have a pillow fight with someone you love. Let this become playful, even if it starts from an angry place. Play is a great way to transmute anger. Other ways to play are to throw darts, go to an Axe-throwing gym, or go to a Break room (A place you can break old junk). Or you can safely create a space at home to do this (Please discuss further with me to ensure safety).
Create artwork, a poem, or a song about your anger or the situation causing you to feel angry. Channeling this emotion into a creative task can be very effective. You can always rip it up, bury it, or throw it away after.
There are valid reasons to be angry. When we deny this emotion, we deny situations where anger is an appropriate response and one we are entitled to feel. I hope this post has given you new insights into anger and how this emotion plays a role in your life. If you try some of these techniques and they work well for you, please feel free to let me know.
Next time you get angry, ask yourself: What is this anger wanting to show me? Then respond accordingly and give yourself grace. See if you can’t appreciate, and even, love your anger. To get support in working through your anger, click here.
Sarah Seraphina is a Spiritual Activator and Liberation Guide. She is the owner of Nurtured Essence, a healing space, aimed at helping women overcome their past patterns and fears, so they may thrive and live with more power, purpose, ease, and joy. She specializes in working with healers, recovering empaths and “Damsels in Distress”, highly-sensitive women, lightworkers, and women with a sacred mission.
